Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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