i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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