just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
