Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
