We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
