whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
