I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
