been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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