Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
