he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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