I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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