he puts the penis in happiness.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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