walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
