I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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