I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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