Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
