I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
