I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
