You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
