So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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