I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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