If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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