i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
no you cant smoke seaweed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
