wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
