I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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