So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
