This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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