I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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