Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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