90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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