Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
