Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
