He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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