i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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