last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
