I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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