I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
40s are totally the cure
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
