hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
