i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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