I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
