i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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