The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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