dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
two words: eviction party
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
