I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
