Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
