im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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