I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
