bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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