God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
