I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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