break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
