put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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