A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
