My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
