i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
