saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
