Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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