Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
