You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
