it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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