We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
