yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
