How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
