pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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