My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
