I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
