Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
