i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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