i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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