He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
