dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
