May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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