Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
