i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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