I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
