then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
