did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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