So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
me + whiskey = a bad person
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
