I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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