Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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