im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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