This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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