If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
