no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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